More than
a decade ago, a grower in Humboldt county, California, said, “as marijuana
becomes legal, there’s this phenomenon where people just stop smoking. Some wait so long, then go so overboard that
they have more than they could ever smoke.
Take away the forbidden fruit factor, and after a while of having so
much, it’s almost like they get bored with it and just try to make money.”
The term “Walmart
weed” has been tossed around more and more frequently. Was it just a catchy phrase, or was there
more behind it? A group of undercover
reporters went to dispensaries in five states looking for answers, only to
uncover money making schemes becoming more common.
A tad
more than a decade ago, when dispensaries were only allowed in California, they
were like the unicorns of the weed world: some magical thing found near a
rainbow that only a fabled few were allowed into if they were lucky enough to
be a resident of the state, have the right paperwork of a legit reason to need the
help of a magical healing plant, and, of course, pay money to those that
be. If so honored to be able to go
inside, it was an amazing array of things that blew most people’s minds. Nowadays, as more and more states legalize marijuana,
the quality has slipped in a few key areas.
First,
let’s take a flash back in history to a time known as Prohibition, when people
tried to make alcohol illegal. Not only
did it fail miserably, resulting in gangsters being trusted more than the
President – especially when Calvin Coolidge had denaturing formulas added to
things containing alcohol, which resulted in tens of thousands of people dying –
but there was a reason alcohol was made legal again. Mostly, it had to do with money, as the
country needed a source of cash to pull it out of the Depression, and now flash
back to the present, after the economy took a dive, now weed’s legal.
It’s not
a coincidence. Vices are a great source
to tax. Some even tax sugary sweets.
There’s
money to be made regardless, and in an industry where people don’t know as much
as they like to pretend they know, it shouldn’t really be a surprise that there’s
some shady stuff going on. There’s
flashy numbers on packaging to make people think that there’s big testing being
done in fancy laboratories, and they get some great image in their mind, but
how hard is it to print a label and stick it?
Sure,
there are ways to test the content. That’s
not a myth. But how many are honest
about it?
How many
really bother? Of course, there are
model dispensaries out there that try to follow the rules, but it only takes
one bad apple to spoil the whole bunch.
One great sample could be sent to get the okay to label a whole batch of
some hogwash, and who would be the wiser to know for sure?
Packaging
can hide a variety of sins, especially when it cannot be seen through. From disappointing portions, like when
opening a big bag of chips to find it’s mostly air, to quality issues, such as
expecting the pretty sample you gazed at under the microscope, only to find
some hogwash inside. Even with medibles,
when the picture makes it look huge, then you get half of a sniff of a bite instead.
Pre-rolls
are probably the biggest disappointment nowadays. Some of the prices are truly getting
outrageous, as one pre-roll came in at more than $100 in California last month,
but what’s the quality? The undercover reporters
wanted to judge by what the real medical patient would likely be able to
afford, which is probably not the $100 joint if they can barely afford
chemotherapy, so they opted to try the lowest priced pre-rolls to judge the quality
across the country…only to be disappointed.
“I think
I’d rather slurp stripper starfish,” one man said. “It’s kind of a heavy cigar, leafy, dirt
taste that makes you cough from the harshness, without giving you the
buzz. I may hack out a lung, but it’s
not from some amazing quality, so much as a bonfire full of leaf smoke that
chokes you out.”
Without
even hearing that comment, another guy takes two hits, puts it down and cries, “I
can’t smoke this. Where the hell did you
get this, and how much of this would someone have to smoke to get any sort of a
high?” Others had the same reaction,
trying a puff or two, and putting it down in disgust.
Unfortunately,
it was not just one kind from one dispensary in one state, but time after time,
state after state, the pre-rolls were getting that reaction. So, what are they putting into the
pre-rolls? More commonly, it does not
even seem to be ground, so much as shake left over from trimmings.
Thus, it’s
not the quality buds. It’s more leaf
than anything. Grind it up, and who can
be sure?
So,
problem solved by just buying buds, right?
Wrong. That has a whole different
set of games.
First,
there’s the sticky icky, and to the average person, it’s super exciting,
because it’s sticky. The question is
what’s making it sticky? What makes the
crystals shimmer, and what’s that perfume?
From
sugar water spritzes to make it moist and shimmery, to perfume that leaves a
nasty chemical aftertaste, there were buds that looked amazing and left people
wondering when it’d kick in. When
everybody goes from super excited to questioningly glancing at each other, it
kills the mood. From funky tastes that
left people wondering what they did to flush the weed, to twitches that made
the lip curl from just general nastiness, there were not many willing to jump
up and go get some more.
It begs
the question of why there’s not more organic weed being served in dispensaries,
especially if they are there to help sick people. What chemicals are used in the growing
process, and what are the plants sucking up from the soil that might not be up
to par? What if a crop had mites, and
the grower sprayed to try to save the plants, leaving all those chemicals there
to be ingested by people?
Molds are
just nasty. All it takes is someone not
burping a jar, and boom. How much moldy
stuff is simply served up in other ways, such as topicals and even those yummy
medibles we love?
When it
comes to medibles, even if a sample of a product has been tested, how does that
ensure that the rest of the batch is up to par?
It’s very hard to get the exact same ratio of ingredients in every
portion served – just ask the restaurants who get busted for their calorie
counts being way off. Food labels can be
deceiving, so we put them to the group test by getting a variety of medibles
with the exact same label potency, just to see if people reacted the same way
to the same strengths advertised.
Is it
shocking to learn that there’s not a consistency across the board? There were a few that actually did reach a
similar balance between different users, but there were many with only fancy,
misleading packaging that left people wondering if they had really eaten a
medible at all. Some had the taste of
weed, and that’s it, while others just tasted like candy from a shelf at the grocery
store.
Gummies
seemed to consistently be the most unreliable.
Some were labeled as super potent, only to be rather lame. Of course, there were other let downs, from
peanut butter fudge to chocolates.
Is there
a peanut butter cup crisis that someone forgot to mention? Out of more than twenty random dispensaries
in five states, not one had a peanut butter cup. Some just sold out, none in stock.
Just
saying, as a heads up to the bakers out there, there is apparently a need for
peanut butter cups. Sure, there may be a
few random people with peanut allergies, which is why it’s so much more common
to find those low-fat gummies, but chocolate and peanut butter is a great
combination. That’s the one thing that
was continuously sought and never found, to the disappointment of many, and the
reason it was specifically searched for was because a decade ago, those were
some of the best offered.
A
dispensary in Oakland had previously held the best medible ever found award by
this same group of undisclosed, undercover investigators. Of course, that was back when pre-rolls were
actually buds, and most dispensaries had standards as to what they would accept
to sell. This same dispensary was now
home to the joint that cost more than $100 (and yes, it was just a standard
size, not a big’un), as well as now the most disappointing medible, an overpriced
bag of lychee gummies that did not taste or smell like weed, and did not seem
to have any noticeable effects amongst various testers.
California,
Washington, Michigan, and Oregon are all legal states now. What that means for medical patients depends
on the state, as some allow medical patients to buy more potent weed, putting a
limit on the amount of THC sold to the general public, while other states
simply give a discount to medical patients.
Of course, that discount can be as little as saving a dollar or nothing
at all.
Florida
has not approved recreational, only medical, but it created monopolies. Florida wins the longest wait award, as the
dispensaries are allowed to deliver weed, and if patients don’t want to wait
more than two hours on any given day, then they are told to pony up the extra
cash to have it delivered. They also win
the “we only have top shelf available” award, as most dispensaries like to play
that game.
Oregon
had the least amount of wait time per dispensary visit, followed by Washington
and Michigan, with California coming in after.
Still, Florida takes top prize in the games that they play. How does it take two hours of wait, when the
order was either called in or placed online ahead of time, and the order is
sitting right there in a bag, when all someone has to do is take the money
already?
There’s
only a handful of monopolies that are running the dispensaries throughout the
whole state, and they even try to brand their own product names without disclosing
what strains are actually used. Of
course, out west, there seems to be some of that with product in the states
there. The same products are found
throughout the state in each state, and it’s not the quality stuff people
actually like.
Yes,
there’s individuals producing good stuff in the mix, just to be clear. It just might cost a lot more than the lowest
grade dirt crap that they pawn off on most people. Then again, not always, as we did find some high-quality
products at decent prices, with Plane Jane’s in Portland winning best medible.
Laurie
MaryJane’s Fudgy Brownie Bites were recommended by the bud tender at Plane Jane’s. This Dope Cup Winner offers five brownies
with an advertised 9 mg of THC each, a total of 45 mg THC for $23. Though the label claims a 45-minute
activation time, testers reported effects sooner than advertised, and many
swore that one brownie was more potent than advertised, comparing it to the
runner-up product, a 50 mg THC chocolate chip cookie purchased for $6 at a
nearby dispensary.
Some of
the best displayed glasswork available for purchase was in Washington, believe
it or not. California comes in at a
close second, depending on the location in the state. Meanwhile, Michigan’s bringing its A-game at
having some of the tastiest bud available at dispensaries like Dispo in Bay
City, making a name for itself on the map with some decent product at decent
prices with deals.
Cheapest
prices were found in Oregon, followed by Washington, California and Michigan,
with Florida winning the highest prices award.
Of course, Florida is not recreational, so maybe that’s why they think
they can get away with charging for an eighth what other states charge for an ounce? Florida also wins the nastiest vape products
award, with vape pens that instantly choked up all product testers.
A local medical
marijuana doctor in Florida was asked what is in the Florida vape pens that are
making users cough so much. He was quick
to respond. “Many are using oils that
are not meant to be inhaled into the lungs, such as coconut oil, which coats
the lungs and irritates, resulting in coughing.”
So, doctors
are aware that dispensaries are doing things they are not supposed to, often
using chemicals they’re not supposed to, which results in not help but harm to trusting
medical patients. It is potentially
making sick people more ill, all in the name of making a quick buck. Just like in the other states that have legalized
recreationally, dispensaries know there is a limited time before the bubble
bursts, as when the laws get looser, more people get into the game, so try to
scam as many as possible.
Marijuana
is blowing up into this magical cure-all for everything from glaucoma to
weight. This test of dispensary products
was brought about by some of the testers visiting a store that sold CBD
products. The medical patients looked at
something called a joint of CBD that was full of some sort of vivid purple
material that the clerk said, “it’s more of a flavored tobacco than any sort of
weed at all.”
It begs
the question, what is being passed off as weed these days? Walmart weed is not just a phrase, but a
reality. That’s why some people have
reported a resurgence of the underground market.
It’s just
like when eating food. If you really
want to know what’s in it, you’re best growing it and preparing it yourself. However, when the market gets flooded, and
the prices get driven ridiculously low, here’s some proof that more games can
happen to make a buck, so caveat emptor: buyer beware.
