Jay-Z, sex toys, and relationships

“Oh man, Jay’Z’s got my poker,” you sigh with realization that your newest piece of silicone from Jack and Jill’s Adult store was missing the metal rod that attached into the bottom.  Tear through the gift bags from Jack and Jill’s Adult store, pulling out rabbits, lube, condoms, and everything except for the pointed metal poker that was supposed to be tucked into the underside of the pipe that you acquired.  Dump the bags out one item at a time, discovering the gifts that were given out at last night’s event with certified sexologist Susan Ruth Freedman; you’d won raffles, and even though you looked through all the bags, you realized that the metal piece was missing - you knew that it did not fall in the parking lot at the Crowne Plaza in Orlando, as you would’ve heard it, so you knew it was somewhere on Jay-Z’s bus.

Think back to the night before, and let the air escape from your lungs slowly, deflating your lungs like a balloon that is being slowly deflated by a controlling hand that hates to see the air go but lets it escape.  You had not even planned on going to Orlando, even though his crew member called you up on hump day to announce he wound be flying in from New Orleans on Friday.  All you had planned on doing was going up to Saint Petersburg to attend the sexologist’s talk on how to keep relationships spicy, but then you thought you’d bring a friend with you, and the next thing you knew, you were off to Orlando to lose some stuff on Jay-Z’s bus at the Crowne Plaza and not even stay for the show tonight.

The show is probably going on right now.  He probably just took the stage.  You could’ve been there, but your friend had to be to work at six this morning, and you had to meet up with some customers, too.

So, let’s start with the sex.  They say sex sells.  Go to where they sell sex toys.

You had been looking forward to attending the event for a while, as you loved trying out new things.  Free stuff is in the budget.  You missed getting to try all the new adult industry stuff that you got to when you had been working at Fairvilla in Key West, a store that you had helped open, working up in the processing, tucked away in the little loft area, plucking away at the computer, doing the behind the scenes work that people don’t normally think of when they think of the adult industry, entering products, doing basically shipping and receiving, double checking orders, updating inventory, suggesting new things that you’ve never seen before, making things pretty by doing displays and fun stuff.

You’d go out for promotional times, as that was back in your younger, sexier years, when you were fresh off the Ozzfest tour, dating and working for a body painter you’d worked with on tour – as you were a model on a motorcycle, and with the body parts he painted, it worked naturally in a strange way, especially since he taught you a lot about what it means to be an artist - open to all kinds of freaky stuff.  Prior to joining the tour, you’d been working at a regional entertainment magazine that you had pretty much taken over for a college professor, covering concerts six to seven nights a week - traveling through Michigan, Indiana, and Ohio – and when the tour came to Detroit’s stop, which was really the former Pine Knob that is now called DTE, you had been covering the bands, taking pictures in front of the stage, when Rob Zombie pulled you up on stage, which opened the door to being asked if you wanted to join the tour.  You said yes, and they thought you were joking, while you thought they were joking, but you wound up getting a job as a Harley girl, which you thought was selling motorcycles or keychains, but really wound up being a position of modeling on top of a Harley, taking pictures with people each day.

While you had been working on the tour, you had along the way met Polo, who had been a tech for one of the bands on the tour.  The two of you kept in touch over the course of the past 15 years, so when he told you that he was out touring now with Jay-Z, the two of you would meet up for lunch or dinner, just to catch up and chat, keep tabs on how the other is doing.  Polo was not his real name, but you were on a kick last night teasing him, calling him Polo as a response to his real name, which you tried to justify by saying that it was one of your favorite games as a kid growing up in Michigan, which is a peninsula state, the same as Florida; meaning, both states are surrounded by water, and that’s a water babies’ game.

Even though you knew people had been teasing that callback to him his whole life, you didn’t care.  Insisting on calling him Polo, it became one of those jokes of the night that just got funnier the madder that he got, as you could see him getting irritated with it.  There’s something about teasing him that you enjoy, something about the powerplay of domination over him, leaving him wanting for more.

Was that it what it was?  That Sub-dom attraction?  Him being motorboat height?

You were tall for a girl, and he was short for a guy, so the two of you together might look odd to some people, but it was kind of a fun thing for you.  Yes, as discovered at the sexologist talk, you had some sexual issues.  That’s what sexologists are for, working through those issues, so it was actually cool.

It was cool enough for you to invite a friend along, who knew a little bit about spicing things up, especially since the two of you both won from the raffle drawings where they were giving Jack and Jill sexy toys away.  It’s always fun to replenish a stash of sex toys, as some toys do die over time.  At times, you feel a bit jaded, so it’s always refreshing to hear new ideas outside of your set ways. 

She talked about Dr. John Gottman’s six magic hours of things to do each week to enhance connection with a partner.  From taking a couple minutes to kiss hello and goodbye each day, to a few minutes of admiration and appreciation for each other, along with physical affection, and even having a couple hours each week for a date night, there was one thing that stuck out to you the most, and that was taking an hour each week for a State of the Union Meeting.  Better than calling it a bitch fest, the message is about how to communicate effectively any issues arising, be it anything from discussing bad habits, to things like promotions at work, but when discussing any bad points, it’s not as easy as they say to broach subjects in a manner which will not offend the other person, so she shared some key tips.

Take “could, should and would” out of the equation.  Leave out the expectations.  Discuss your feelings and traumas from the point of view of how it makes you feel, as opposed to attacking a person’s character or making it seem as if you are pointing the finger, placing blame for the cause and effect.

If you feel a certain way because of a specific trauma, talk about it.  That’s easier said than done.  Admitting that you have had a trauma takes guts; not everyone is willing to express, even with the best of intentions, but it’s having the guts to try to do it that can make things clearer to the other involved.

Another interesting concept was Gary Chapman’s idea of having five different love languages, as not everyone views love the same way.  Some people like receiving gifts or visual tokens of love, while others might like quality time or physical touch.  Acts of service, or doing things without being asked as a way of showing appreciation for your partner, and even giving compliments may be how others express love or understand someone else’s gesture of love; knowing which is best for your partner helps a lot.

If one person’s expression of love is physical touch, but they are with a partner that did not grow up in a touchy feely family, didn’t express their love in that way, then the two might not understand each other’s actions the same way when it comes to love.  If instead, the other person understood love to be helping each other around the house, anticipating and fulfilling their partner’s needs before they ever arise, they might not understand where the other is coming from.  Understanding what best meets your partner’s needs, and knowing what best meets your needs, can help make for a peaceful partnership.

Of course, sex toys can always help spice up a relationship, whether exploring mutual stimulation, vibrating rings for tongues or other body parts, remote controlled vibrating panties, or even exploring the 50 Shades of Grey style with a little bondage experiment with some restraints for the bed; kick it up a notch by exploring a few of the sex swings.  There’s ones that hang from the ceiling, ones that hang from a freestanding hanger, and ones that basically allows you to hang from your partner.  Of course, that means that you have to find a partner able to hoist your big’un up without pulling muscles.

You preferred some of the more kinky stuff, such as the gimp masks with the zipping mouth, bunny tail butt plugs, and the extreme sex toys that make people gasp, such as the thick chub that’s about as big around as the dilation of when a woman is giving birth.  Get a cuckold cage.  Put this rod down the urethra, clamp this metal cage around the scrotum and shaft, and if you get hard, it might hurt a bit.

Walk through the aisles of Jack and Jill’s Adult store, touching the whips, finding which of the fur ones is the softest, and loving the stitched design of the Betty Page paddles.  Take notice of the bondage rope, but you like the cool designs of the tape that sticks to itself.  There’s an awesome pink leather starter bondage collar that does not require a lock and is simply held in place by a leather strap that can be cleared by the simply swipe of a finger to release if things are getting to be too much: safe word time.

Maybe it’s time to explore some new sexual realms.  If so, Jack and Jill’s Adult Store is one place to go with an inquiring mind.  Bring a new spark into the bedroom, as there’s lot of Florida Jack and Jill locations to choose from, and they have a variety of sexual things that are sure to intrigue; don’t worry, if you’re scared, you don’t even have to leave your house: www.jackandjilladult.com.

If you find yourself having sexual concerns, dysfunctions, or have had past traumas, talk to a sex therapist like Susan Ruth Freedman.  She has plenty of activities and exercises to try, but she also has a caring ear and is very good at digging deep to find the root of a problem, so that it can be solved.  In addition to being a board certified clinical sexologist, she also does hypnotherapy, is a trauma specialist, a mental health counselor, and does couples, as well as individual, therapy: www.anewtomorrow.net.

Yes, Jay-Z is still on tour, so there's a still a chance to catch him: www.jayztour.com.  If you want to check out more about the artist that has sold more than 100 million albums: http://lifeandtimes.com/.  Jay:Z 4:44 dropped this summer, so check out that album and connect at https://www.facebook.com/JayZ.

Marisa Williams earned her Master’s in Writing at the Johns Hopkins University.  She is the author of more than 100 books and a licensed Realtor. For more by Marisa, visit www.lulu.com/spotlight/thorisaz.  

Screamageddon: last screams of the season

Joining the holiday mob mentality, you craved to get scared, even if Halloween had passed.  Scour for the last remaining haunted house in the drivable area, and you find Screamageddon.  People say it is Tampa, but is actually Dade City; still, it is not too far off the highway, so you found it easily enough.

You really have to drive outside of the bigger cities just to have enough room for a sprawling attraction.  The location was ideal, with forest surrounding, and in Florida, the Spanish moss hanging in the trees only adds to the creepy effect.  You never know what might be lurking – snakes, gators, psychos…

There’s only one way to know for sure, and that’s to be brave enough to step foot inside the gates.  The Fast Pass option is a handy way to skip around the mobs of people; tra-la-la your way to the front of the line, and be sure to grab one of those handy glow necklaces that means you opt into interactive scares.

There’s about half a dozen things to check out, each completely different from the other.  To start, warm up by playing zombie paintball.  Test your aim as you’re shaking scared to see how ready you are.

If there really is that zombie apocalypse that everyone keeps talking about, you need to make sure you are ready to fire under really being scared conditions.  There’s a survival store in Orlando specially designed for just such an event, and if it’s near International Drive, you know the threat must be real.  Thus, grab a gun, strive to keep it steady, and close one eye if you need to as you’re taking aim; fire!

Speaking of fire, you keep noticing fire balls randomly lighting up the sky.  You’re not sure what to make of it at first, so you vow that you must find out.  Enter the first haunted attraction to look for answers.

The first one did not have fire, but it was glowing.  Try to fit the 3D glasses over your regular glasses, and as the lights go out, only black light and spray paint lights the way.  The rest is a veil of blackness.

The neon colored paint seems almost nuclear, and you almost feel as if you’re in part of a Super Mario Brothers game, as there’s painted pipes that look like they lead towards a mission of some sort.  Reach out and touch them, just to make sure they are real, and they are not just a 3D figment of your imagination, but actual pipes.  With so many brightly painted glowing objects popping out in 3D, it’s hard to discern the real stuff from the fake sometimes, but you feel your way along the dark paths.

The spinning tunnel has always been one of your favorites, so when you enter the bridge, you stop, just to let your mind fully feel the effect.  It’s as if you’re tilting, that you’re the one spinning, instead of the room around you.  Grab hold, just to make sure that you do not tip over, as you feel yourself tilt a bit.

You can’t quite be sure if there’s someone lurking in the shadows or not.  Just when you think there is, it’s a dead end.  Get yourself oriented again.  Then someone jumps out and throws you off once more.

Adjacent to the 3D haunted house is a prison break.  Not afraid, you take the glowing necklace and place it on your head like a halo.  Guys cower behind you, ordering you to take the lead, and just when you’re telling them that you will, you’re ordered to go in by yourself, solo mission, straight into darkness.

Starting to feel uneasy, the only light you have is the glow of the necklace, which all the people hidden in the shadows can see, too.  A cornfed prisoner bleeding from his forehead rushes up to you, gets in your face, gets loud, demanding, “why did you break it?  Tell me, why did you break that, huh?”

When you don’t have an answer, he yanks you, commanding that you follow him, and another friend joins.  This one has dark rings around his eyes, blood stains on his clothes, looking more than pissed.  Now, there’s two of them badgering you, getting in your face, threatening and dragging you.

They take you to the hole.  You’re locked in a small, confined space, with only darkness around you.  You hear the screams of other people, and your heart races, wondering how long they will keep you captive.

Just when you’re really about to panic, someone opens the door and bellers at you, “get out!”  Following command, you zip down the dark corridor, sliming past old overflowing toilets in prison cells, taking the back way as you break out of the prison.  Your tunnel starts to shrink, and you have to bend down to make it into the next area, which is another small, dark space, and there is a guy waiting to scare you.

You can’t help but jump, and you try not to scream in his face.  He follows you, knowing he has gotten under your skin.  Just when you think he is gone, he tugs on your shirt, just to let you know he is there.

Try to shake the tail, but you feel someone’s hot breath on your neck.  Turn, and your nose to nose with another cornfed guy looking like he wants to devour you for dinner.  He doesn’t want to let you pass.

To get away from him, you enter another small, dark tunnel that requires you ducking down.  Looking behind, you see that he did not follow you.  Don’t attempt to sigh with relief, because you just felt someone’s hand firmly grip your forearm, and he growls, pulling on you, “come with me…”

He sits you down in a chair, and other prisoners appear from the darkness, surrounding you, circling around you like vultures waiting to tear open your flesh.  Some get in your face, others grab your shoulder, while others mumble comments that make your skin crawl, as the prison is all too real.

Break out of the prison by passing more gross toilets that make you want to vomit, and sneaking through more small, confined spaces.  Each character that approaches you is different, but you notice some creepers follow you longer than others, or appear again when you think that you’ve lost them.  The darkness is unnerving, but throwing in angry prisoners wanting revenge, and it’s a real good time.

When you break free from the prison, you need to get away, and the only moving option is the hayride.  Climb up the wooden staircase and hop aboard the tractor’s wagon, fluffing up a spot in the hay to sit.  Thankfully, you’d taken your allergy medicine earlier, but a sneeze escapes from you unexpectedly.

The tractor chugs along the bumpy trail, then stops unexpectedly.  Angry people storm out, riling up people on the hayride.  All of a sudden, a series of fireballs illuminate the sky, giving you the answer to your previous question of where the fire came from, and now you can feel it singeing your arm hair.

The tractor lurches forward, taking you to another area where a couple of hicks are mumbling about something to eat.  You’re not sure what they’re talking about, when all of a sudden, a massive gator lunges forward, snapping its jaws at you.  Scoot out of the way of the gator and of the blades from a combine that comes whirling from out of the blue, then jump when there’s more unexpected fire.

Pull up to a moonshine still and reminisce about that good ol’ West Virginia White Lightning.  Mention to a friend about wanting to take a hooker of that, and a good ol’ boy jumps out screaming at you not to even think about touching his moonshine.  Before you can react, there’s a moonshine explosion of fire.

It’s like being out in the Wild West, as you see bank robbers go in to rob a bank.  This only creates more chaos with a shootout, and yup, you guessed it: more fire.  Oh, try to not get sawed up by a chainsaw. 

At the final stop, hop onto the wide, wooden staircase, holding onto the handrails, and spill out onto the midway.  The smell of BBQ lures you in, along with other tasty delights.  Take a pitstop by one of the many fires in midway, gathering a group at the picnic tables, deciding which one to do next.

Next, it’s time to get infected.  Enter the lab and see a doctor pacing back and forth.  “It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” she repeats over and over; “we didn’t know that it was going to be like this.”

Step into the contaminated area.  There’s alien beings on the surgery tables, kicking as they’re being sawed into.  You can’t help but reach out to touch its slimy skin, and it sends shivers down your spine.

“Aliens are real,” you hear someone say, but you cannot make out who is speaking.  There’s darkness shrouding you.  Find your way into another operating room, and see gooey organs on display.

Distracted by the sights, you don’t notice the doctor approaching you from behind.  “We need you in surgery,” she ushers you by the arm and prepares you for operation.  Feel the saw blade vibrating your neck as the doctor attempts to slice into you, and you struggle to try to get free from the operation.

If you’re lucky enough to get out of there alive, good luck trying to find your way back to your friends.  They’re long gone, left you behind to fend for yourself.  Now, you’re on your own to find your way out.

There’s rows of white flapping sheets of plastic.  Screams fill the air, and people paw at your skin.  Just when you think you’ve found your way, you’re back at the beginning of where you just were a while ago.

Get away from the infected, and stroll over to the house.  Surely, in between, you will find your friends again.  The Dead House calls big groups of friends, so follow the dimly lit path to find who is inside waiting to have you for dinner – not for you to eat dinner, but for you to be the main course for dinner.

“Mmmm, you look delicious.” You hear a deep inhale.  You realize that you are being sniffed by people.

“Papa’s guna like you,” a slow, Southern drawl spouts.  Push your way past the creepers in one shack, and find yourself back on the dimly lit trail.  Twist around the path, and find another crusty love shack.

Figures from the shadows follow you, screaming when you think you’ve lost them, only to find that they’re still close behind, still sniffing at your hair and debating whether you should be sautéed or thrown into a stew.  Run if you want, but it does no good, because there’s only more kinfolk waiting.  Each one paws after you, trying to slice and dice you up with various objects, and you have to escape the killer kinfolk from the deep woods, as you only know that they have ill intentions for you.

Feel your heart thumping faster, threatening to beat out of your chest.  Just when your heartrate thinks about slowing down for a moment, there’s another scare around the corner, waiting to make you jump.  Adrenaline coursing through your veins, panic sets in, as does the fight or flight response within you.

The nice thing is that Screamageddon offers the Curse Hayride, Bedlam 3D, the Dead Woods, Blackpool Prison, and Infected Ground Zero, each being so different from each other.  Add in the Monster Midway with Zombie Paintball, and it’s an evening to gather the friends for some scares.  Being able to opt into the fun is an awesome chance to harken back to the old school haunted houses when people didn’t try if someone touched their arm; get taken prisoner, be held captive, and face some real fears in person.

For more information, visit https://www.screamageddon.com.  For more by Marisa, visit www.lulu.com/spotlight/thorisaz and www.twitter.com/booksnbling.