Freaks on Parade

 With the announcement of the upcoming Freaks on Parade tour announcement, we will not be discussing the Fournier, or Furnier, side of my French family, such as my grandfather's second cousin's son or how my uncle would play guitar with his cousin Vincent in a Saginaw garage before anyone was anyone.  We will also not be discussing how Rob Zombie pulled me up on stage in Detroit, which led to me getting a job offer to tour on Ozzfest in 2002, nor the many adventures I've had covering them over the years, including being my own Freak on Parade, going up to the biggest, scariest gangstas and bikers with the gnarliest tattoos and challenging them, "I bet ya fifty bucks that I got a tattoo that hurts worse than you."  Instead, we will fast forward past my times touring on Ozzfest to when I was living in New Orleans right before Hurricane Ivan, which was the year before Hurricane Katrina, when I covered Ministry with My Life in the Thrill Kill Cult the night before Hurricane Ivan was scheduled to hit the city.

This story is fitting to flashback to, given the fact that they have been tearing the mold from all of the ceilings and walls out of my house finally after getting hit by Hurricane Ian, so hurricanes and damages caused by such have been on the foremost of my mind after rocking through the Category 5 storm.  First of all, let me start out by saying that this particular show still ranks up into one of the best concerts I have ever attended, and that's out of literally thousands of concerts I have covered over the years as a journalist.  Yes, my family puts on a fabulous show, and Rob Zombie is amazing in concerts.  However, it was the atmosphere of being at a show the night before a hurricane is supposed to hit that made it so extra special, as everyone partied as if it could have been their last night on earth, which it could have been.

When every single person in attendance at a show has missed the mandatory evacuation notice, opting to stay past when recommended, knowing there's a chance you might not be able to leave, it's literally a party like your last night on earth type of celebration where everyone simply wants to have a good time.  For those who don't remember, Hurricane Ivan was supposed to be a direct hit on New Orleans, just like Katrina hit the following year, but at the last minute, the storm turned towards the Panhandle.  At the time of the show, it was still looking like a direct hit to NOLA, so people didn't know that it would turn, causing everyone to not only fear for their lives but to give into the fact they could die.

At that point, leaving was a nightmare, as the traffic was already at a standstill.  You couldn't go north or east, as they said there was a chance it could turn, so everyone from Florida was heading up and filtering from the East, resulting in no hotels having any vacancies.  When I finally was able to leave the following day with a neighbor, as I did not have a car at the time, it took us eight hours to go 11 miles, just to give you a perspective of what it's like to wait too long to leave for a hurricane.

As mentioned, I recently did stay for the Category 5 Hurricane Ian, which did result in damages to not only my house, but being at my mom's house when a couple ton pine tree fell on the room while my father and I were inside watching and hoping it didn't tear all the way through and slam onto us.  Take my advice: don't stay.  Get the heck out of dodge the minute the announce a storm anywhere nearby.

The only reason I stayed, for those who did not read my Hurricane Ian Diary posts, was because the storm was not scheduled to hit us.  They kept crowing how it would be north of Tampa.  Therefore, none of us left, as they never announced that it was a problem, until it was too late to leave.

By the time the announced it would hit south of Tampa, the traffic from Tampa north was at a standstill.  Talking with people who did leave, they advised to hunker in place, as we would not be able to make it too far.  When you only have a few hours notice, do you pack up, jump in the car and face the storm in a vehicle while trapped on a road, or would you rather be in a building for the storm?

I vividly remembered what it was like to stand in traffic, not only for Ivan, but also for Hurricane Irma, which resulted in dad and I waiting five hours for gas at three in the morning in the middle of nowhere, as it was the only gas station with gas left.  It's hard to keep driving when everyone is out of gas.  Let me tell you, staying is hard when everyone is out of gas too, and you see these armies of sad looking people on bicycles with a dozen gas cans tied to the frame of their bike seeking any sort of gas.

Then when a gas station finally gets gas, the military has to step in, as it's a mad house.  Yes, they literally have guns, as people get that out of hand.  Once that gas station opens, it's worse than a flock of seagulls, as you have a line three miles long for the people with gas cans in hand standing, but there's a line six miles long of cars waiting, with many running out of gas waiting to get gas.

It's very humbling to be working with professional baseball players, then like a month after season ends, instead of going to the stadiums to watch games, it's instead to get supplies.  For anyone who is paranoid about a FEMA camp as is popular on social media, you better realize that means that food, water, ice and supplies like tarps are being handed out when you need it the most.  You'll be thankful to pull into the Tampa Bay Rays stadium to get a free tarp when you have a tree on your house like I was.

So, yeah, when you're in a position where you don't know how strong that storm surge will be, when you're facing getting hammered with waves that can literally flood the whole city and take out buildings, you can bet your bottom dollar that you will party like you never partied before, like it's your last night on earth, as the danger is real, imminent, and it very well could be your last night on earth.  As mentioned, the traffic at that point was already at a standstill, so you could either hop in line to stand, or go see Ministry with My Life in the Thrill Kill Cult to party like you never have before.  Cudos to the bands for even staying to play, but at that point, they were trapped, too, so it's like being the musicians on the Titanic, willing to sacrifice yourself to entertain others in a real-life crisis.

Okay, they might have been strumming guitars instead of violins, but then again, Ministry is known for a lot of random sounds in their music, so you just never know what you might hear from Al.  My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult also has a variety of musicians on stage, so again, you never know.  Going in, honestly, for me, it was all about Ministry, as I had never seen My Life With the Thrill Kill Cult, but after seeing them both that night, it made my a hardcore fan of both of those bands.

So yeah, give them both props for even performing under those types of conditions, and I'll also give them props for both having girls on stage performing.  At that time, there was not a lot of girls performing rock with guys, and there's still a stigma about it, so the face that both bands were open to recognizing talent of both genders even back then was a very cool thing for me that stayed with me.  Now, it sounds like whatever, but back in the day, gender equality was not as equal as it should have been, which might not have been recognized unless you were a female in the music industry struggling.

As a journalist there to cover the show, I was posted in front of the barricade for the first three songs, and while it was not my first time doing this, I will say it was one of my coolest times doing it.  That's because when I went to go out of the photo pit after shooting, I simply climbed up, pointed, and crowd surfed out of the pit, with the fans in the crowd being so cool, they surfed me over to my friend in the back of the venue, putting me down exactly where I pointed both times like a real pimp situation.  Most often, crowd surfing can end in injury, but on this occasion, it was that perfect wave to surf.

To put myself in perspective, as much as I hate to admit how old I am getting, this show would have been nearly twenty years ago in 2004, if memory serves me correctly.  That's like enough time to have had a kid that could now be graduated and old enough to vote or something.  That's scary to me, as I do not have kids, so it's like that perspective of oh my gosh, I'm old enough to have a kid that graduated.

That much aside, like I said, going in, for me, it was all about Ministry.  That's just a band that my brother and I grew up with and would jam constantly.  Every time it comes on the radio unexpectedly, I will jam it, call my brother and jam it through the phone, just so he can flashback with me.

I mean, "Jesus Built My Hotrod" just gets you going.  Still, whenever it applies to someone or an unfortunate situation, my brother will cackle, "never trust a junkie" and jam "Just One Fix."  Those words are classic and timeless, and songs like N.W.O. only seems more fitting these days.

Admittedly, Freaks on Parade is one tour that certainly catches my interest this fall.  It's just in time to kickstart Halloween season, one of my personal favorites, so I'm into it.  If you're into it, too, and you should be, as these guys are all awesome performers, some of my favorites out of literally thousands I have covered over the years, then you can catch them on tour coming to a city near you.

2023 Freaks On Parade Tour Dates:
Thu Aug 24 – Dallas, TX – Dos Equis Pavilion
Sat Aug 26 – Tampa, FL – MIDFLORIDA Credit Union Amphitheatre
Sun Aug 27 – West Palm Beach, FL – iTHINK Financial Amphitheatre
Tue Aug 29 – Raleigh, NC – Coastal Credit Union Music Park at Walnut Creek
Wed Aug 30 – Virginia Beach, VA – Veterans United Home Loans Amphitheater
Fri Sep 01 – Tinley Park, IL – Hollywood Casino Amphitheatre
Sat Sep 02 – Des Moines, IA – Wells Fargo Arena
Tue Sep 05 – Clarkston, MI – Pine Knob Music Theatre
Wed Sep 06 – Toronto, ON – Budweiser Stage
Fri Sep 08 – Scranton, PA – The Pavilion at Montage Mountain
Sat Sep 09 – Wantagh, NY – Northwell Health at Jones Beach Theater
Sun Sep 10 – Hartford, CT – The XFINITY Theatre
Tue Sep 12 – Nashville, TN – Bridgestone Arena
Sat Sep 16 - Englewood, CO - Fiddler's Green Amphitheatre *
Tue Sep 19 – Ridgefield, WA – RV Inn Style Resorts Amphitheater
Wed Sep 20 – Auburn, WA – White River Amphitheatre
Fri Sep 22 – Concord, CA – Concord Pavilion
Sat Sep 23 – Anaheim, CA – Honda Center
Sun Sep 24 – Phoenix, AZ – Talking Stick Resort Amphitheatre

Here's a quick example of what I have seen, but there's not telling what it will be like with this group of performers known for changing up their shock value.  Only way to know for sure is to go and check it out on your own.  Highly recommended.

Of course, feel free to check out Outlandish Writer, then come Party like Pirates.  For my latest books, check out www.lulu.com/spotlight/thorisaz. If I have convinced you that you would like to buy a house in Florida, I sell real estate, too.